Dear Alexis,
As I see you sitting there at 36 weeks pregnant, feeling alone and scared out of your mind, I want to just hug you and say, "everything is going to be okay". The unknown is scary but I promise you that you are going to be an amazing mama. Right now you are reading every pregnancy and parenting book under the sun. You're worrying about whether or not you want to use formula or breastfeed, use a crib or co-sleep, and you're in the midst of trying to pick out the perfect name for your daughter however, none of this really matters now and it surely won't matter a year from. That's one of the joys of parenting... no one really knows what the "right" way to do it is. To be honest, you'll learn more about parenting during the first month than any parenting book could ever teach you. However, if you find yourself on google from time to time that's okay too.
On top of trying to learn all there is to know about parenting, it may feel as if all eyes are on you right now however, one day you’re going to prove them all wrong. The rude remarks and comments will stop one day, I promise. While their words may hurt right now, down the road, as you lay with your beautiful baby girl, their words won’t matter. Please remember that no one is entitled to a spot in you and your daughter’s life. After all, if they can’t be there for you now they have no place in your future. Things may seem stressful now but I promise you they won’t always be this way.
I know you’ve been feeling a bit lonely lately but this won’t last forever. While your friends are out, you find yourself inside googling different brands of baby strollers and although this may seem horrible now, you aren’t going to mind it a year from now. After a while you’ll get used to not getting invites like you used to. Quite honestly, you’ll appreciate the nights spent at home. After all, raising a tiny human is hard work so you’ll need all of the rest you can get. Although your relationship with your friends may never be the same, your daughter will become your new best friend and these lonely nights won’t always seem so lonely.
Please dry your tears. Things feel as if they’re crashing down right now but everything will work out the way it’s supposed to. I understand you want to give your daughter the perfect family but what exactly is a perfect family? Your family may look a little different than others but I promise you that it will be exactly what you guys need. Right now it may feel as if trips to the library and the park will just be the two of you but stay optimistic, he will come around. I wish I could take away the pain you’re feeling right now but just know that things will not be as bad as they seem. Although every day will be different from the next, there will be mornings filled with family breakfast and trips to the park. I promise you your daughter will have all of the love she needs.
As I sit here with an almost one year old, I want you to know that everything will be alright. All of the pain and the worry that you’re feeling right now will not last forever. In fact, I can say with confidence that things are going to be okay. A year from now you’ll be experiencing all of the joys of motherhood. You’ll be there to experience your daughter’s first word, the first time she crawls, and you’ll be there to pick her up when she falls. You’ll learn all of her favorite fruits and all of her little cues. All of the stares and remarks won't matter forever. The missed invites and strained relationships may bother you but just remember that you’ll never truly be alone. As you sit there, holding your belly and reading that parenting book, please remember that you are stronger than you think and that you will get through this. So please, dry your tears because soon enough you’ll be where I am at now and all of this worry and heartache will be a thing of the past.
With love,
Your Future Self
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